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24 Aug

Cultivating Happiness: Make a Choice

ti_graphics_happierpeopleWhile setting goals in counselling sessions, clients often state they want to be happy.  For some it can be difficult to imagine what that would look like or how they can get there. For some they cannot remember what happiness feels like.

In the above infographic from Tech Insider they share  9 things that happier people have in common.

Happiness doesn’t just happen, it is means setting goals and putting the work in.  One of the 9 things is spending time with close friends.  Putting yourself out there can be challenging but by picking up the phone or sending that text and asking to get together the rewards are enormous. Take action and be an active participant in your own happiness.

In a society where our culture focuses on things, change your way of thinking and instead of spending your money on stuff use your resources wisely and invest in experiences. In childhood if we are asked about our favourite memories they seldom involve material things.  Childhood memories are about that family camping trip, impromptu meals with friends, swimming in the neighbour’s pool or maybe playing cards or board games on a rainy day.  Focus on what matters and do what brings joy into your life.

In the article 10 Ways To Achieve True Happiness the steps are simple.  Care more about yourself by knowing your own worth.  You are valuable and the opinions of others don’t need to be given so much power.

Spending time doing what makes you happy is one area that many of us can go wrong.  As adults we don’t have as much fun as we used to.  Evidence to support this is the increase in adult focused programming with the “fun” component highlighted.  Paint Night with friends, adult summer camps, color runs and spending the afternoon driving a race car. There is a consumer market of adults yearning for a bit of childhood type fun.

Whatever your idea of fun is, take the time to do it. It doesn’t just happen, it means making conscious choices and putting your happiness first. People love being around happy people.  This week in Canada we celebrated the life of am iconic Canadian rock group.  The outcome was people across the country on a hot summer night in public parks watching their final concert, or at a backyard barbeque with outdoor screens, people really just coming together to find happiness in what could be viewed as a time of sorrow. Whatever you do choose well, choose happiness and you will not be disappointed.

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30 Jul

Sometimes being Selfish is about taking care of Yourself

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Sometimes as therapists when we suggest to clients they need to be just a little bit selfish, it is met with a response as though we have suggested that they become a serial killer.  Society has placed a negative slant on the idea of taking care of yourself.  Self care means taking care of you so you have the energy to help take care of others.  It doesn’t mean being  uncaring, thoughtless or just giving up as the word selfish might suggest. Self care is different, it means placing value on you.

In an article by Pick the Brain, the author suggests some positive ways to be selfish.  When was the last time you were intentionally lazy?  Lazy could mean curling up in a Muskoka chair with a good book or binge watching on Netflix.

One of my favourite reads of the past few years is a book called The Art of Extreme Self Care.  In this Cheryl Richardson sets forth to get us to see self care as a necessity.

In a blog article on Healthy Minds Canada, the author simply states that Self Care is Not Selfish.  Taking the time to recharge gives a positive message to those around us.  It speaks to positive self esteem and the ability to prioritize yourself when it is needed.

I appreciate all the strong, vibrant women friends in my life who are able to say “no” to things that deplete them and “yes” to the things that give them energy.  The first step to this journey however is the wisdom to recognize the difference.

If you are having trouble distinguishing between self-care and selfishness then take a look at Friday’s Food for Focus: Ain’t no shame in the self-care game. It is a few questions that you can ask yourself.  Remember that self compassion can generate more compassion for others so it really is a win, win!

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19 Jun

Finding the right meditation for you

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We are seeing an increase in clients wanting to try meditation as a strategy to implement into their daily life.  Meditation is a great tool because it is portable and can be used anywhere and there are many types available for different purposes.

Sometimes a person might want a meditation to set the intention for their day and start off on a positive note.  Other times they might feel anxious during their day and need something short to help ground themselves.  At night a busy mind might be getting the better of them and perhaps they are looking for something to help with sleep.

Below are a variety of meditations that can be used on your smartphone, tablet or desktop. Most are downloadable or available on You Tube.

Morning Meditation

Guided Morning Meditation ( 10 Minutes to kick start your day)

5 Minute Morning Meditation with Susanne Kempken ( A quick morning meditation designed to give you that extra boost of positive energy to start your day)

10 Minute Guided Morning Sunrise Meditation ( Let go of negative energies and begin your day with a completely clear slate to shape your day the way you intend)

Guided Meditation: Setting a Morning Intention, 6 minutes ( Set the direction of your day)

Louise Hay’s Morning Meditation, (Use this to greet each new day)

Positive Thinking Meditation: Endorphin Meditation with Positive Affirmations 10 minutes

Self Acceptance Meditation

Guided Meditation for Self Acceptance, 16:26 minutes ( During this meditation there is a bit of exposure style therapy asking to bring up a part of yourself you don’t particularly like)

Self-Love Healing Meditation: Self Acceptance, 15:27 minutes ( Shift from a place of rejection to loving acceptance as you meditate with this audio)

Meditation for Self-Love and Acceptance by Deepak Chopra,  2:20 minutes ( A short positive affirmation)

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Meditations for Anxiety

The Five Minute Miracle from Beyond Purpose, 5:33 minutes

Blissful Deep Relaxation from The Honest Guys, 18:35 minutes ( gently ease yourself into a state of blissful deep relaxation)

Guided Meditation: Deep Relaxation and Bliss from Live the Life You Love, 14:08 minutes (breath out anxiety and tension)

Meditations for Sleep

Can’t Sleep, Meditation for Insomnia from Jason Stephenson, 61 minutes (Guided voice, gentle music for sleepless nights)

Yoga Nidra for Sleep, 22:21 minutes (Guided sleep meditation)

A Bedtime Meditation to Prepare for Sleep, from Live Sonima, 8:49 minutes (Unwind and shutdown to prepare for sleep)

Guided Meditation Sleep: Go to sleep in 10 minutes, 10:17 minutes (headphones are recommended but not required)

Other Meditations

Chakra Cleansing and Activated from Manifesto Meditations, 22:07 minutes ( cleanse and activate your 7 chakras in 20 minutes leaving you feeling energized and recharged!)

Guided Healing Meditation on Forgiveness, 13:08 minutes (release guilt, let go and free your mind and life)

Meditation: Living Presence- with body scan by Tara Brach, 17:08 minutes ( guiding you through a body scan and focusing on breath)

Reflection: The Power of Inquiry-Untangling Emotional Tangles by Tara Brach, 10:30 minutes (A short meditation to help us get emotionally unstuck)

Guided Meditation- “The Seat” from The Honest Guys, 16:46 minutes ( headphones recommended but not required)

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30 May

Accepting Who You Are

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Accepting who you are is a step towards learning to love yourself.  It is human nature to look at our own flaws and hold ourselves to standards that we would never expect others to live up to.  In counselling a common theme is being unhappy with one self and judging.  If you don’t like you then why expect others to?  It seems simple but we tend to make it complicated. Accept yourself and be your own best friend.  If you are happy and caring to yourself then others are attracted to that energy.

In article Therapists Spill: 12 Ways to Accept Yourself, they suggest you identify and set your intention.  Intending to self nourish and celebrate your strengths and honestly embrace your vulnerability is a stepping stone to your new relationship with yourself.

Self Acceptance is about letting go of who you want to be or think you should be and just being. There are steps we can take to be kinder and more loving of ourselves. We can take action and move towards change and healthy improvements to our own self care and self concept.  On the blog Tiny Buddha, author Jasmin Tanjeloff  writes about Accepting and Loving Ourselves in 10 Simple Steps.   

In 8 Techniques for Self-Acceptance, author Leo Babuta suggests that our “happiness is determined by our level of self acceptance.”  Compassion and forgiveness for yourself is an important technique to practice. Let go of old grudges and forgive yourself for being human.

So to get started, begin your day with a positive affirmation or a short meditation.  This is simple but it reminds you everyday how you can make a difference by setting your intent and making it a positive one.

Affirmations should include a positive statement about yourself.  Something like I love and accept myself without question.  Here’s a short meditation (2 min) from Depak Chopra, A Positive Affirmation and Acceptance.  A little longer one (16 min) is excellent to focus on something your don’t like about yourself and expose that thought in a guided meditation for self acceptance

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17 May

How to Use Mindfulness Everyday

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This month I was lucky enough to be able to attend a Mindfulness workshop.  The workshop didn’t teach me any earth shattering new ideas but it did make me a better therapist.  I am at a time in my life where my mind is very busy with a number of things that are quite frankly out of my control and not of my creation.  Taking a day to be with other like minded professionals in a positive environment and practice mindfulness was quite frankly a fantastic gift!

I left feeling relaxed, void of negative thoughts and thinking about how I could use it more in my own practice with clients.  Fast forward a bit and I now have an arsenal of handouts, apps and links to provide clients with the tools they need to be mindful.

It only seemed to make sense to share a little of my research with everyone.  The number one question is where to start?  Start small and build from there.  There is no right or wrong, no judgement.  Freeing your mind from judgement if only for a minute is a much kinder way to treat ourselves. Take a look at Three Simple Mindfulness Practices You Can Use Everyday.  

Try a 3 minute body scan which will help ground you and be more present.  My new favourite is a 5 minute Chocolate Meditation, it is wonderful and calorie free!  It does make me want to go find chocolate though.

If you find yourself wanting to know more about Mindfulness and Meditation we have a very good collection of resources on the Lidkea Stob Pinterest page.  On our Meditation board you will find links to additional meditations, articles on the benefits of meditation  and a few tips on how to get started. Our Mindfulness board has explanations of mindfulness and activities your can try such as a mindfulness walk or mindful coloring pages.

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