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20 Sep

Mindfulness

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Image from Sideways Thoughts, Mindfulness Defined

We hear the phrase mindfulness used a lot these days.  In counselling we find our clients often struggle living in the past and worrying about the future.  We occupy our minds with thoughts and many of them can be negative.  What might happen if we were mindful and present living each day with awareness, purpose and without judgement?

In an article by Chad Renando, Mindfulness Defined he talks about a phenomenon he calls the $20 Snickers bar.  After reading this I realized how much I related to what he had to say.  The idea of buying a chocolate bar with a $20 bill and getting change for the bill.  Once that bill is broken down it seems like we have more money and for some reason we spend it more easily.  Ask us what we spent that twenty on and we’ll likely wonder where it all went. The author points out that our attention works similarly. We start off being attentive, ready to face the world but there are demands throughout the day for our attention.  It becomes fractured and we pay it out like the twenty until we have nothing left.  We end our day feeling tired, irritable and likely somewhat exhausted. What if we  instead start our day with purpose and intent , making choices about where to focus our attentions? Harnessing our attention and energy, getting to decide how we spend it.

The key is slowing down.  This seems counterintuitive to what we think we should be doing. In our fast paced society we need to take time for ourselves and recharge from our busy lives.  Time magazine’s, The Mindful Revolution suggests that “finding peace in a stressed-out, digitally dependent culture may just be a matter of thinking differently.” We are busy, hyperconnected and overscheduled. Stopping to just be and stepping back from all those whirling thoughts can transform your life.

Recently a local big box store had a shipment of adult coloring books that were based on mindful stress reduction.  They sold out immediately and now local book stores are finding it hard to keep them in stock.  The trend is for adults to pick up those crayons or colored pencils and relax and be creative.  Coloring books for adults…who would have thought that would be therapeutic?  I must say I have tried them myself and it stills the mind, slows things down and it really is fun.  Still not convinced, read  Adult Coloring Books are the New Mindfulness. 

All It Takes Is 10 minutes, is aTed Talk with Andy Puddicome that suggests that 10 minutes is all you need to get calm and clarity in your life. There are many resources available these days to help get you started.  If you use technology there are some free mindfulness apps that you might want to take a look at.  Website Mindful.Org has videos and articles that cover areas such as mindfulness at work and mindful eating.  Life Hack has a Mindfulness Meditation Mini Guide for those new to meditation.  On our Lidkea Stob Pinterest board you will also find a Mindfulness and a meditation board with articles and videos. So take a deep breath, grab a tea and think about how you might use these tools to be more mindful in your life.  I suspect you will be glad you did.

31 Aug

Letting Go of Toxic People

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We all have them, people who make us second guess ourselves or continually create chaos and pain in the lives of those around them. We may not be able to remove them from our lives entirely but we can certainly set limits to shield ourselves from the negativity.

A toxic person is someone whose behaviour is frequently negative, unkind and sometimes wounding.  Relationships with people like this are often unhealthy and can effect us emotionally.  Not sure if the person you are thinking of is a toxic person? Take a look at  Psych Central’s, What’s A Toxic Person and How Do You Deal with One? They outline some signs that you might be surrounded by a toxic person. If you recognize some of these red flags then it is time to take steps to care for yourself.

In 8 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Deal With Toxic People one of the keys to dealing with them in an emotionally intelligent way is that they don’t allow other people to limit their joy.  Not allowing others to impact our mental wellbeing is important to our own mental health.  We make choices about giving power to others and in doing so we give them permission to impact our state of mind.  What if we said “no” to this and stayed focused on on our goals or as in #4 we remained solution focused.  Keep your eyes on your own goals and what you are setting out to achieve. Others can sometimes deflect us from our path.

Modelling the behaviour you want to see can help.  7 Strategies for Dealing with Toxic People gives a few helpful tips such as this. Remember we can’t change other people but we can change how we respond to them.  Demonstrate how to positively deal with a situation. If you are positive and consistent it can help you feel happier and this can have an impact on the toxic person.  It may take some time but it can happen with patience and kindness.

Think about what you want to see more of in your life and focus on that.  Focusing on the negative can sometimes bring more of what we don’t want into our lives.  So be kind to yourself and practice empathy and compassion and you will be on the road to a happier more at peace you.  The side effect may be that family member or colleague you are thinking about might be affected in a positive way too!

 

 

24 Aug

Overcoming Barriers to Change

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So often in therapy clients utter the words “I can’t” when faced with new challenges and the possibility of making a life change.  The idea of change can be frightening but in the end can be very rewarding.  Overcoming barriers to change is necessary in order to make the transformation you are working towards.  Perhaps the key word to this is “working”. It is hard work to do something differently.  We all have habits and ways of doing things that are ingrained and that have been with us for years.  Making changes can be uncomfortable and difficult in the beginning.

One barrier is  fear which is very real and sometimes debilitating. Maybe it is fear of failure or fear of the unknown. What about fear of not trying and staying stuck? It is important to personal growth to keep moving forward and trying new things.

In a 2012 article from Life Hack, 4 Ways to Overcome Barriers to Change and Make New Habits Stick they suggest that taking on too much all at once can be a barrier to lasting change.  Start small, you do not need to change everything all in a day.  Remember that some of the habits you are trying to change may have been over a lifetime so it will take time.

Remember that change is constant in the world today whether we want it or not. Change is not always optional so we must be ready to embrace both good and bad changes.   In The 3 Most Dangerous Psychological Barriers to Change the author points out exactly that.  Change happens with and without our permission.

Change by choice is always nice and we all get to a point in our lives when we know it is time to make a change.  In 10 Signs It’s Time For a Major Life Change the author looks at some subtle signals.  Do you find yourself feeling like you are just settling and not reaching for what you really want? Do you feel like you’re not living your truth?

I love the article by Tiny Buddha that suggests 13 Ways to Change When Life Changes Around You. As humans we are adaptive creatures.  So look ahead and see change as a chance for renewal and rejuvenation. You might be surprised by what you can achieve by having the courage to try!

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