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Author Archives: Kimberley Gunning

30 Apr

Follow Your Passion: Discovery is the first step

We have all heard the phrase, “just follow your passion.”  That sounds like a way to inspire our lives but is it good advice and how do we know what our passion is?  Finding out what you are truly passionate about takes a little detective work.

If we look more closely at this trend there seems to be two streams of thought.  One is just to jump right into whatever makes your heart sing without consideration for the practicalities of life.  So let’s say I am passionate about chocolate, do I leave my career to work in a chocolate shop?  Considering a few practicalities might be in order.  Am I passionate about chocolate or perhaps I’m really passionate about food.

Expand your ideas and see where it takes you.  Once we go down this rabbit hole the possibilities become endless.  This could involve opening a restaurant, creating a home based business, taking a chocolate course or traveling somewhere and exploring new food that we might love as much as chocolate.

We can find passion in our everyday if we look hard enough and are willing to try something a bit different.  Volunteer to take on a new project or do something for co workers that makes you happy and shares your passion.  Spread that feeling of happiness and watch it grow.

Don’t discount ideas that seem unrealistic.  Work with them and think about how you could make them fit.  Think to the future and explore possibilities.  To explore this idea further The Muse looks at 6 Fresh Ways to Find Your Passion.

Being passionate can test our comfort zone and tolerance for change.  As humans we are often filled with excuses for why we can’t do things.  What is the barrier standing in your way?  Fear, financial security, what people might think?

Oprah magazine is always there to help us in these times of uncertainty with articles like How To Find Your Passion and The Secret to Finding Your Passion. The authors lead us to ask ourselves questions and find themes in our life that help us find out what keeps us interested and what makes us happy.  No expensive tests needed, just explore your soul, find your passion and you’re on your way to a new adventure!

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22 Apr

When Caregivers Experience Grief and Loss

There are people who help others everyday as professional caregivers.  These people may be social workers, support workers, teachers, counsellors or acting in any role where they provide care and support for others.  In these roles we may find ourselves supporting clients through death and loss but what happens when the loss experienced is a client?

If we have worked in the field long enough we have all lost someone we have worked with.  We work with a vulnerable population, sometimes we are supporting them through a terminal illness or other times their death is sudden and unexpected, possibly a suicide.  We are professionals who establish therapeutic boundaries, but that does not mean we are devoid of human emotion.

The loss of a client can be painful, causing us to think about what we could have done differently, wondering if we did enough or simply mourning the loss of someone who touched our life. Feeling grief is a normal, healthy reaction to loss but it is very different losing a client than losing a friend or family member. With these boundaries firmly in place we may grieve alone and without the support of others.  Here are some thoughts and reflections that can help.

Don’t Let Grief Go Unprocessed

Of course we have to consider confidentiality but there are options. If it’s available to you utilize clinical supervision to talk about how you’re feeling.  The loss may bring up feelings about another client we are working with or concerns about our own competency.  Talk about it in a safe place and make connections to how you’re feeling and the thoughts you may be having that aren’t evidence based.  Utilize your Employee Assistance Plan and contact a counsellor where you can process your feelings in a confidential and  non judgmental environment.

Accept That Grief Is Messy

Grief is not linear and yes, it is messy, as the above graphic might suggest.  Shortly after the death of a client I found myself unexpectedly having to leave a staff meeting after becoming tearful.  Emotions can sneak up on you at the most inconvenient times. Speaking to colleagues who have experienced a similar loss can be really helpful.

Reflect and Respond

Clinical reflection can assist us in our practice whether it is creating a professional network or thinking about the client and our positive interactions.  Consider what you learned from the experience and how this impacts your role as a helping professional.

Be self aware

Be aware of the impact this is having on you and take care of yourself.  You had a unique relationship with your client and your feelings about this loss will also be unique. Buy that bouquet of flowers, go for that walk, have a cry and above all be kind to you because that is exactly what you need right now.

References and Resources

Coping with a client’s suicide,  American Psychological Association, November 2008 gradPSYCH

Coping with the emotional aspects of a client’s death, The New Social Worker, Sharon Martin, LCSW

A Therapist’s Grief: When a Client Suddenly Dies, Paula J. Siegel, MFT

When Therapists Mourn: Coping With a Client’s Death, Zur Institute

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29 Mar

Volunteering in Niagara

Volunteering is a great way to give back to your community and make a difference.   You not only help others but you meet people and learn new things. Volunteering can bring social connection and just make you feel good. There are a tremendous amount of options in Niagara to choose from. If you are handy or have a special interest or talent such as photography or cooking there are opportunities to suit. Time commitments vary from long term to one time events.

Long Term Volunteering

If you want a regular commitment, then volunteering for an organization is the way to go.  It might mean helping out at a soup kitchen or driving someone to their cancer treatment. In Niagara, In Communities helps people find the right volunteer activity for them. their database is full of volunteer opportunities.

A quick search shows that they need help in the Habitat for Humanity, ReStore in the area of customer service.  This job means helping with merchandise pick ups, assembling merchandise and loading and unloading merchandise.

The Salvation Army needs people to help with their Community Response food truck in St Catharines. Volunteers help prepare and serve meals in the community on the truck.  This requires a commitment of one or two Saturdays per week.

For people who are interested in our history there are multiple opportunities at the St Catharines Museum and Welland Canal Centre. They are looking for a Museum Cataloguer for the Photographic Collection, Museum Archive Assistant and Museum Artificat Photographer.  

Medium to Short Term

These programs may be seasonal such as the Summer Literacy Volunteer for the SLAM program.  Volunteers for this program  assist in the delivery of a hands on literacy and social skills program for the Learning Disabilities Association of Niagara Region’s summer program for children or youth with learning difficulties and/or ADHD.

The Canadian Red Cross is looking for volunteer drivers to help drive seniors to and from appointments around the Niagara region.

Event Volunteering

Event Volunteers are the people that make these big fundraising events possible.  This type of volunteering means putting in a number of hours over a short period of time.  For those of you with a fairly packed schedule and limited time resources this is a great way to get involved without the ongoing time commitment.  After an event you may even find yourself signing up again next year because you enjoyed it so much!

This year they are looking for volunteers for The Ride To Conquer Cancer. This event runs  the weekend of June 9-11, 2017. Volunteers are the backbone to this event and help support riders during their 200 km two day cycling ride.

Looking for  bit of fun that is food and wine related?  Volunteer for i4c the International Cool Climate Chardonnay Celebration. July 21-23, 2017 this event needs a small army of volunteers, with many of them returning year after year.

Another opportunity is with Niagara Wine Festival who holds a number of events throughout the year with Tailgate in the summer, Niagara Wine Festival in the fall and Icewine Festival in the winter.

The Big Move Cancer Ride is on September 10th this year and has to date raised 3 million dollars for the Walker Family Cancer Centre.  On event day they need help with things such as set up, registration, hospitality and road marshaling.

So take a look and find something that interests you and spend a bit of time getting to know your community and helping it grow.

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13 Mar

Take time to nurture your soul!

When our soul is tired no amount of sleep will fix it.  It is important to make your happiness and wellness a priority.

5 Things you can do to feed your soul.

Replenish

Take a breather, or rest for a couple of hours one afternoon when the world feels like it is getting away on you.  We can find creativity and energy when we allow ourselves time to rest and regenerate.  Our mind can get overloaded with day to day things and it is pretty challenging to find room for more.  So curl up on the couch with a good book or just let yourself be with some calming music and a cup of chai.  Do whatever it is that you enjoy, let yourself be still if that is what you need or go for a walk and feel the energy of nature. Choose your way to replenish.

Connect

Be with the people who make you happy.  Make time to see that friend that you enjoy spending time with and that makes you smile.  Humans need social connection and when our soul is tired this is one of the first things to go.  It doesn’t have to be a full out social event but rather a chance to talk and laugh together.  Sometimes sharing helps us to put things into perspective.

Laugh

Laughter really is great medicine.  According to Gaiam it helps lower blood pressure and stress hormones but it boosts t cells.  Laughter also brings with it a sense of wellbeing.  So turn on that old episode of I Love Lucy and find a bit of inner joy.

Dance

Grey’s Anatomy fans know that when the going gets tough Meredith has been known to encourage her friends to “dance it out.”  A quick Google search tells us that on campuses across North America dancing to relieve stress is effective and fun.  This strategy to feed your soul can be done with others or in the privacy of your own space.  Pop in those ear buds and give it a try.  We recommend creating a “dance it out” playlist which you can have with you at all times because you never know when the mood might strike.

Be Kind

Doing something kind for others feels good.  In an article by tiny buddha they remind us that “being kind to others is being kind to yourself.”  This isn’t always easy but being positive and kind usually makes it more difficult for others to respond in a negative manner.  Setting your intention to be kind for the day can bring some pleasantly unexpected results.

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28 Feb

10 Tips To Stress Less

We all have stress in our lives.  Some weeks are more stressful than others.  These helpful tips give us some ideas about what we can do for ourselves so that we can stress less.  As the weather gets better, getting outside for a bit of fresh air and sunshine with a friend can help us feel better.  Go for a walk or maybe even a bike ride.

What about getting involved in volunteering?  This doesn’t have to be an ongoing time commitment.  If you are short on time, choose an event or specific fundraiser to volunteer for. In Niagara the Big Move Cancer Ride gives you some great options.  You can set a goal and ride 25, 50 or 100 km or you can volunteer for the day. Exercise, meeting a few new people and raising money for a great cause makes for a really great day!

Take time to realize that there are certain things you can control in life and focus on those.  We can manage our thoughts and create a more positive life.  Although we don’t have control over others we do have control or how we respond or what we think about a situation.  If you find yourself stuck and feeling out of control, check out this list of The Only 7 Things You Can Control In Life.

Breathing is one of those things we don’t think about but we do have control over our breath.  Breathing exercises can help to slow your stress response down and help you relax. Try a few of these in 6 Breathing Exercises to Relax in 10.

If stress does become too much, ask for help.  Contact your EAP provider or call for a personal counselling appointment.  There are people that can help you stress less so just pick up that phone and your slightly overwhelmed self will thank you.

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21 Feb

Nothing Negative Can Come from Positive Self Talk

Let’s face it, nothing negative can come from positive self talk.  Being kind to ourselves or extending a supportive friendship can only bring good things into our life.  All too often I hear people say things like “I should have”, “it was probably my fault”, “I’m just not good at that”, “I need to try harder”.  Would you tell a friend that they didn’t try hard enough when their new project didn’t work out?  Or would you say “you’re right, you weren’t good enough”, when their marriage breaks down?  “I’m not enough” is a negative mantra that can often loop in our our brain and keep playing.

Be your Own BFF

Being your own best friend means that you are just right exactly the way you are,  flaws and all.  Friends have that way of embracing our quirkiness and seeing through our false bravado in times of need. They give us positive messages about ourselves and make us feel good, happy and appreciated.  Enjoy who you are and give yourself some quality time.  If you can’t think of things off the top of your head that are great about you then try a little exercise.  Ask yourself what you value in a friend?  What are some qualities that your favourite people have?  Write down the ones that could apply to you. Tell you that you’re funny, authentic and kind, and spend a bit of time hanging out with you. Learn to enjoy your own company and just be with yourself.

Clear space for the positive

Banish those negative thoughts as they no longer serve you.  Even amongst the most dire of circumstances there can be found a positive moment.  Choose to reach for the alternative to the negative because there is always another option.  This idea may take a bit of practice but when that negative thought creeps in, stop, then think about what possible positive thought could be applied to the moment.  You can choose to see a huge snowfall as terrible and catastrophic or you can slow down to enjoy the beauty of it, grab a tea and take a bit of extra time to get to work.  Practice this step regularly and you will find there is less room in your life for the negative thoughts.

Talk to Yourself

Now this might seem a bit strange but I do it all the time.  On more than one occasion I have found myself chattering away saying “you can do this” when faced with difficulty during my day.  Tell yourself out loud that “you’ve got this” or “you’re a rockstar”.  The more we hear these words the more our brains take them in and they become our truth. Whatever your mantra, practice this. You can talk to yourself in the shower or in the car on the way to work or wherever works for you.  Say it loud and be proud about it because you are pretty awesome!

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29 Jan

Wellness for 2017

It’s a new year and with it comes new ideas of things we could be doing differently to promote wellness in our lives.

Declutter

The less is more movement continues to be significant. North Americans have become known for their love of material things. The trend in 2016 was decluttering your life physically and emotionally. In 2017 it continues as it moves to fashion and our wardrobes with clothing coming from natural fibres and Canadian designers. The idea that we should simplify our wardrobes and get rid of excess, ditch the trends and get back to basics.  We guess that means 2017 will be a bit of a jeans and tshirt kind of year as we declutter our wardrobe.

Digital Detox

The constant buzzing, we are all familiar with the sound that happens even when our phone is on vibration.  The checking to see the email that just came in or texting a friend instead of calling.  In 10 Ways To Step Up Your Self Care Game in 2017 this tip stands out.  Take a no technology break and let your brain be creative without the help of a phone or computer.

Hygge or Nesting

Hygge, pronounced (hue-Gah) a Danish term defined in the New Yorker as “a quality of cosiness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being.”.  Winter is the perfect time for curling up with a good book with a hot beverage and practicing the art of hygee.

Self Care

We keep talking about this but honestly it is incredibly important and we can’t talk about it enough.  It is the subject of many blog posts like 30 on Tap and Moms Who Drink and Swear.  A favourite description for self care that is shared by Nicole Knepper on The Soundtrack for Self Care 2017 is to take time to do things that make you feel like you.  That is fantastic advice we can all use!

Silence is Golden

Have you ever thought about spending time in complete silence?  Silent retreats are now being offered where people cannot speak and must unplug for the duration of their time there. Unwind and still your mind for a couple of days or even weeks.  These retreats are becoming so popular they are being offered around the world in countries such as Australia, Costa Rica and closer to home in Canada. There is a website that lists them on their directory.

So find something that speaks to you and make 2017 the year of wellness!

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01 Jan

2017 Full of Possibilities and New Lessons

2017 Full of Possibilities and New Lessons

So here we are, we have made it to 2017.  Every year we look back and think about what we didn’t achieve.  Looking back to last year’s blog I can see that we talked about doing something new each month.

How did you do with this?  I can say that quite honestly I met my goals but not in the way I had planned.  We talked about identifying new things that you would like to do like see an opera, learn a new hobby or read a book you’ve been wanting to read.

The interesting thing is that I created a list but many of those things didn’t happen.  I never went to that opera but I did go to a student recital where our friends’ son sang opera.  The list has few check marks but interestingly life brought new experiences and lessons.  I read a fiction book in its’ entirety in less than a week.  No, it wasn’t something that helped me learn a new skill or how to reshape my thinking….it wasn’t groundbreaking it was just a really good book.

The lessons that 2016 brought me were many, but the biggest is that sometimes what I think I need to do and what I really need are different.  2016 gave me things I didn’t want but yet the wisdom they brought was invaluable.

So for 2017 be open, be positive and just resolve to let life take you where you need to go.  There is no need to overthink or to judge yourself on what you haven’t done but rather marvel at what you learned. It is okay to set some goals but I suspect less attachment to outcome is what many of us need.

I don’t know what 2017 has in store for us it does bring possibilities and new lessons and as long as we are learning then we are on the right track.

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24 Dec

Happy Holidays!

Wishing you a relaxing and joyous holiday season from all of us at Lidkea Stob and Associates! Holiday Office Hours: Closed Monday December 26. Open Tuesday December 27- 30th, 8:30 a.m to 1:00 p.m

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