May | 2018

Should I End My Relationship? Or, What Happens in Couples Counseling?

Should I end my relationship? This is a question that counselors get asked all of the time. If you are going to see a counselor for couples counseling, here are a few things to know.

A counselor will not tell you what to do.

This may come as unexpected for some. We help you explore what is happening in your relationship and help you gain some insight and perspective. Having a non biased, neutral person help you make connections that you may not see in the heat of the moment can be invaluable.

No one is to blame

Sounds like an old 80s song but let’s face it there are two in a relationship and when working on a relationship in counseling the road to creating trust, understanding and compassion for each other is not built on blame.

Set aside your agenda

Along the lines of of there is no one to blame, personal agendas need to be looked at to see how a mutual plan can be created. You are creating a new “we” and the idea is that you turn towards each other and not against.

It takes two to make things right

Yes, you both have to put the work in to get the result you want. The counselor will never work harder than you, it is your relationship and your life investment. Each one of you brings something to the table, the good, the bad and sometimes the ugly. Own it, unpack it and move on to work on the relationship you would like to have.

As you gathered, couples counseling is not for the faint of heart. It is difficult when two people hit a wall and bring in with them feelings such as anger, sorrow and vulnerability and lay it all out. And no, we will not tell you whether you should end your relationship, that part is up to you.

Finding Gratitude in Everyday Life: You’ll Thank Yourself

These days we hear a lot about gratitude. There are apps, bullet journal layouts and journals for gratitude. Perhaps we want to live our best lives so we might give this a try.

The practice of gratitude finds us stopping to think about the simplest of things. It means accepting the life we have, flaws and all and finding things to be thankful for. Honestly what could be better than practicing gratitude? There are no negative side effects, there is no cost and the desired outcome is that you feel better about your life. According to an article in Happify research by the University of Pennsylvania showed that the effects last longer than one might think. Gratitude is a gift that keeps on giving.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow”
– Melody Beattie,  Author

Tell People How You Feel

Let others know that you are grateful for their love and friendship. You don’t need to have a special occasion just do it. In an article on Tiny Buddha they share 50 Ways to Show Gratitude for the People in Your Life. These can be people you are close to, co-workers or even people who provide a service. Just a smile or asking someone at the checkout how their day is can boost their confidence for the day.

Show Gratitude to Yourself

Be kind to yourself and show yourself gratitude for all that you are. We can show appreciation to ourselves for our own abilities and uniqueness. For example, you can be grateful that your sense of humor has helped your through life’s challenges or perhaps you are grateful that you have been able to share your culinary talents with others. Think about what makes you, you.

Do it For Your Health

There are actual health benefits to practicing gratitude. Especially relevant is research shared in Harvard Health article Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier, which supports that there is “an association between gratitude and an individual’s well-being.” Practicing the art of gratitude may increase your resilience and your energy levels according to 6 Surprising Reasons Gratitude Is Great For Your Health.

For tools and ideas on how to get started, check out our Gratitude board on Pinterest or next week’s Facebook posts. Here you’ll find gratitude printables, journal prompts, articles and Gratitude Challenges.