July | 2017

Letting Go of Anger: 5 Tips

Recognize the emotion

Learning to recognize the emotion for what it really is can be tricky. Anger often isn’t really anger but rather another emotion that is presenting itself in a different way. Common feelings that may be the cause of a blow up can be sadness, fear, anxiety, grief or even depression. Stop for a minute and think about what has been going on in your life and what might really be the trigger. Naming the emotion can help you get to the root.

Use mindfulness

Being mindful when we’re angry might be difficult but it can help us to find the calmness and grounding that we need. It is a strong emotion but the self awareness that comes with being mindful can be helpful in managing our anger. There are some steps you can take such as becoming aware of your body and noticing your thoughts. Slow your breath and still your body. Being aware of your body’s response can help you recognize the symptoms early before it becomes of nuclear proportion.

Take a minute

Sometimes when we are angry we need to give ourselves a time out. Taking a minute or a day doesn’t mean that you are avoiding the issue, it means you are giving it the weight of importance it needs. We need to process our thoughts and think about our response so we can focus more on solutions than being caught up in the moment and acting on emotion. Adult time outs can really be invaluable.

Feeling angry is quite okay

Let’s face it, we all get angry. Feelings happen and they happen to all of us. The key is how we manage this powerful emotion. We should never push it down and let it go unchecked because it will find its’ way to the surface at the most inopportune times. So, be angry but be honest with yourself about who you are angry with and why. Dealing with an issue early can stop you from losing your mind in the checkout line at the grocery store.

Use it as a motivator

Believe it or not, anger can actually be an incredible motivator. Use the energy in a positive way by channeling it towards something you want to change or accomplish. In The Upside to Anger: 6 Psychological Benefits of Getting Mad, the author mentions that research supports the theory that anger can push us towards our goals. By using it as a motivator we can turn a negative into a positive.

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Key Ingredients for a Healthy Relationship

What is the key to a healthy relationship? Clients often ask counsellors about their personal relationships, making the assumption that we have perfect relationships. We are all human and there is no perfect relationship but maintaining a healthy relationship is a solid counselling goal.

Respect

Respect each other’s opinions. It is not unusual to find yourself in a relationship with someone who may look at life differently than you do. Communicate with each other and find out what they think and why they hold that view. Even if you still disagree, respect them as an individual and be open to having different views. Different does not mean they are wrong.

Laugh

Just know that there will be some challenging times in any relationship because it is part of life. We may have disagreements, deaths, illness, job loss…honestly there will be too many things to count. Humor can lighten the load and diffuse a situation. Even the most serious times have room for a bit of humor. Couples bond when they share laughter or an inside joke. A Time Health article suggests that couples who laugh together are happier and tend to have higher quality relationships.

Compromise

Let’s face it, we all want to get our own way. In a healthy relationship people learn to find a middle ground. Look at all of the options and consider what might be possible. Agree on a solution that you both can live with. Problem solving together helps see another perspective and you will get to know each other even better.

Nuture

A relationship doesn’t grow and thrive without some nurturing. Be kind to each other and give back. Day to day life can be repetitive and we can take each other for granted. Pick up his favourite dessert after a tough day. Surprise her with a note in her lunch bag. Take a walk together and talk about your day. Share one good thing that happened, don’t just talk about the negative things.

Value

Value the person you are with. Being supportive and encouraging to each other is vital in creating a strong relationship. In a healthy relationship you not only value each other but you value your relationship. Encourage them in to pursue their own interest and be their biggest cheerleader in their journey.

Book a counselling appointment

We’ve touched on just a few components of a healthy relationship. From time to time in a relationship we might need help. A good time to book an appointment to see a counsellor is when you are feeling out of sync, disconnected or maybe you just want to keep nurturing your relationship to ensure it is growing and flourishing. Call 905-684-5050 for an appointment.